Nah, nothing different with me nowadays, except I’m busier than hell with outside projects. If anyone were to ask me if I was dreaming or living my dreams – I’d say that the latter is most true. Because, seriously, things are actually getting done toward my personal, professional, and spiritual goals.
What I find interesting is that with the theatrical work, the homeschooling group, the meditations, the sexual explorations, and the Dharma group…….I sometimes find myself waking up in the morning wondering if I’m actually dreaming – like a DREAM dream, not just some fantasy. There are times when I feel like I’m in such a surrealistic potpourri of happenings. Despite our finances not being outrageously huge (which I never really cared for), things are happening. And that’s surprisingly weird.
Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I think this is awesome. But it’s just like any play or musical or scholarship that you attain. Once you get it, you discover that THIS is when the work begins. It’s liberating, and terrifying, and authentic, and naked, and oh-so-wild. There isn’t anything tame about this experience. As far as I’m concerned, this is reality with a capital “R”.
I used to find myself daydreaming every now and then about what life would be like “if….” and then describe a particular wish that I’d have floating around in my head. I rarely daydream now. Why? I don’t have time – life is too damn short, and once I had the first step toward these fantasies, there was no turning back to the little box again. I had looked out from the precipice, saw the void, and I’ve already jumped out into it. My feelings now fluctuate between flying and falling. And there’s no safety net underneath me to catch me.
How utterly strange. Honestly. I had assumed that living your dreams would make you feel more secure. Nothing can be further from the truth. Liberation doesn’t have boundaries. Once you tear down the walls, throw down your guard, pull out all the stops, and go at 200 mph, you really have no choice but to live in the moment. You also can’t be unaware of your surroundings…….even if you TRIED, you couldn’t be unaware of everything around you and within you.
Well, at least, that’s where *I* stand. I’ll kiss you on the cheek if you manage to find security in blasting off into space to explore. Personally, I can’t find any security.
But – honestly – I wouldn’t have it any other way. What an adventure!
