Sexual infidelity and the female brain

Heads up, yo.  Louann Brizendine, M.D. wrote a book back in ’06 amptly titled, “The Female Brain.”  And, baby, it’s a great start!

It describes why we women change so drastically with the different stages in life.  From adolescence, to how our minds work sexually (great few chapters, btw), to how the actual structure and brain chemistry CHANGES after motherhood, to how it all changes drastically again from menopause. 

Overall, it is an affirming book on the sass and intelligence of the female homo sapiens.  For me, it only backs up what I truly believe…..that the value of a woman is not from comparing her to a “default” male standard.  She does no good by keeping her mouth shut, conceding to any sort of superiority or authority to her fellow man, or by dressing according to any arbitrary standard.  She is much happier by flaunting her stuff (in whatever way she chooses, with any degree of covering), and by speaking her mind.

OK….this is what I found most fascinating.  Y’all know about the conventional wisdom of biologically why  men cheat?  Why men desire more than one partner?  And that there is this stupid myth out there that women are more sexually “pure” and less inclined to cheat or have multiple partners?  Well, try this passage from Dr. Brizendine’s book:

Biology has a way of winning out over our conscious minds by manipulatin our reality to ensure evolutionary survival, so a woman’s unconscious brain circuits will choose the best-looking guy, since he will give her bigger orgasms.  Behavioral ecologists have also noted that female animals – from scorpion flies to barn swallows – prefer males with high degrees of bilateral body symmetry, which means that both sides of the body match.  page 84

Hunh.  Go figure.  Women can be shallow, too.  Not just men.  Read on….

Using the body odor of men and the noses of women, Jan Havlicek of Charles University in Prague has hatched a controversial theory about phermones and the female brain.  He found that ovulating women who already have partners preferred the smell of other more dominant men but that single women showed no such preference.  Havlicek argues that his findings support the theory that single women want nurturing men who will help raise a family.  But once the home is secured, they have the biological urge to sneak around with men who have the best genes. page 87 

BAD girl!  BAD BAD BAAAAAD girl! 

Yeah, this sure is controversial.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.  Women are supposed to be nice.  Women are supposed to be pure as snow.  Women aren’t really supposed to LIKE sex as much as men, and aren’t really supposed to WANT more than a single, loving, partner.  And if they do, there’s something wrong in the head.  Biology says differently, though, it seems.

Well, not for everybody, but certainly enough to take note.  And point being – it ain’t good to put Woman into a box.  She is just as human, just as assertive, just as bodily authoritative in evolutionary biology as Man.  She just does it……differently.

It’s been well documented how the females in most every species holds the cards at mate selection, and therefore – if people are smart enough to recognize this – understands and appreciates the inherent biological power that the female has in sex.  I once heard the pop-culture dude Dr. Drew comment that “women are the keepers of intimacy.”  He’s right, too.

And now, with theories abounding of why females cheat and commit even emotional infidelity with another man shoes how women have collateral pro-creatively even within loving monogamous relationships (much like men do).  

Men, are y’all sweating from reading this?  I hope not.  It isn’t intended to “stick it” to you (I can think of MUCH more fun ways of sticking it), but to discuss how women have been pidgeon-holed into a virginally pure tease.  That we often times don’t really make our own sexual decisions.  That we often times don’t really even know what we WANT.  Understand that much, if not all, of that stems from cultural boundaries.  That women SHOULD be somewhat sexually infantilized, and not sexually empowered.

Besides, this only covers the biological urge on procreation.  It’s not by any means the whole picture.  Sexual ethics and empowerment come from other factors that influence pair-bonding as well as for pleasure and bliss.

So the question some of you might be asking:  What does Thalia think of infidelity? 

Ethically, it sucks.  I find it to be hurtful and dishonest.  But the only reason why is because I think in any relationship, honesty and authenticity is paramount and vital.  Infidelity – in the way that I describe – is dishonest.  You put up a front.  You don’t give your all to your partner.  You are, essentially, cheating your relationship by not disclosing your actions, desires, and boundaries to your partner, and therefore it’s in my mind a fraud.

But multiple partners, in and of  itself, is NOT infidelity.  Let’s make that clear.  If both spouses agree on it, it isn’t cheating.  Why?  Because it’s honest.  It’s authentic.  And both really ARE sharing all of who they are with their partners.

Nice tangent, Thalia.  Let’s get back to the point.

My point being, and has always been, feminine sexual empowerment.  Does infidelity prove empowerment?  Nope.  Correlation does not equal causation (Logic 101).  But understanding this as a part of female sexuality shows a picture that ought not to scare us into taking action to prevent it.  That’s entirely up to the individual and how she (or he) wishes to live life.  Empowerment naturally flows from education, however, and resolve. 

Ahhhh, resolve.  It goes hand in hand.  Y’all can know everything about the anatomy of your clitoris, but if you don’t resolve to communicate what you LIKE about handling your clit, how empowered are you, actually? 

Oh crap….time to log off.  I know I had a great climax in mind for this post, but I think I missed it.  Better luck next time.  Ciao!