So, when do we stop being considered property?

I nice heated debate has exploded on a discussion forum that I frequent.  The topic in question is direct, but rather loaded:  Does a husband have a right to sex, regardless of his wife’s wishes?  In other words, does a wife have an obligation to perform “Wifely Duties?”

There are two very passionate sides to this debate.  On the one hand, we have a few women who have seen the abuse firsthand what the cultural expectations are of wives who are considered some form of property of the husband.  They have lived it, tasted it, felt the pain personally.  These are female friends who understand that it isn’t just the random asshole who wanted to have it whenever he wanted it – they understand that there is a general attitude of appeasing the male sex drive as the prime directive of the sexual aspect of marriage.

On the other hand, we have a few men who understand that abuse does exist in marriages, but feel attacked for suggesting that men ought to  be considered for their sexual needs.  As much as I understand and empathize with them, this is very much a red herring.  Of course, consideration is part and parcel of a healthy marriage, and being sensitive to each other’s sexual needs is a must if both are considered equal partners.  But this in no way belongs under the argument of whether a man has a “right” to his wife’s body.  And because of this very irrelevent introduction of the red herring, there has been loads of confusion, anger, and accusations flying from both sides.  I find this amazingly depressing.

To be truthful,  it’s annoying that many times when a woman is fighting for her autonomy, we are bombarded with attempts to guilt, shame, or harass us as “reminders” that we should never forget about standing by her man.  Honestly?  That’s a load of crap.  Our autonomy allows us to give MORE and more FREELY of our love, compassion, and understanding.  Take out the “wifely duties”, and you will know for sure that your wife is giving her body and her heart to you because she wants to, not because she has to.  There’s a BIG difference there.

Now, again I ask, when do we women stop being considered property?  And when can our intentions for sexual independence be given the benefit of the doubt?

An interesting anatomy of an “ideal” threesome

I posed a question to a man I know.  I asked him,  “What would you think if you had the opportunity to be with two women at the same time?”  His reply was, “YAAAYYYY!!!”  Then I asked, “OK, what if you had the opportunity to be with a woman and a man at the same time?”  And his reply was, “Ehhhh, I might feel a little uncomfortable.”  I think this cultural phenomemon is still, to this day, weird.

When I asked him why he might feel a little uncomfortable, he mentioned that it’s because he’s straight and that he just wouldn’t feel right being intimate with another man.  And I think (I’m assuming here, so sue me) that the only possible visual in his mind is to have that one chick in between him and the other guy – where one is fucking her from behind, and the other is getting sucked off – and then she turns around every now and then to switch how she’s getting poked.

Apparently, that’s the only way that SHE could enjoy it?  Granted…..that IS fun on some level, but please – that’s not the only scenario that I could conjur up in my sick head.  So, I posited the idea to him and maybe the one woman in the threesome might want to see him and the other man kiss, to stroke each other, to embrace and caress each other.  He reacted as if this was NOWHERE in the realm of a heterosexual male identity.  So, the conversation ended there – after I told him that I think he suffers from the delusion that women are still on an extremely subtle and foundational level considered objects that are to be used for his pleasure. 

He scoffed.  I asked him how likely would it be for him to wish those two women in his first “ideal” fantasy to kiss and fondle each other while he’s jerking off to the visual.  He smiled. 

Yeah, he didn’t get it.  But you can’t fault him too much, you know.  This kind of objectification is so deeply embedded in our culture that many of us are still surprised when WE find ourselves doing it out of sheer habit.   Even I have found it….when I visualize watching two men – straight men – touching each other for the first time in front of me and seeing a new discovery in eroticism in themselves and each other….and I feel like I’ve been caught with my hand in the proverbial “Thou-Shalt-Not” cookie jar.

And I ain’t talking about the cookie jar from the Christian Fundamentalist Kitchen.  I’m talking about the cookie jar from the so-called Sexually Progressive Kitchen.  Despite all our how-to books and Tantra seminars and sex therapists and talk shows and porn mags, we still have this notion that men-on-men action is quarantined only for the gays and the bis.   It’s why women can admit that they’re “bi-curious” but when was the last time you ever heard a dude admit that? 

And it’s not only their buddies that I suspect they’re afraid of……..how many WOMEN say that they wish they could watch their husbands or their boyfriends make out with another man in front of them? 

All right……….besides ME………how many women do you know who have freely said that to their friends and their SO’s?  This isn’t a male thing.   It’s a cultural thing.   Women are still reluctant and aren’t expected to claim the bed as territory for our fantasies that push boundaries.  Pop culture and frat parties are still inundated with the lesbian fantasy of two buxom blonde women fondling and licking each other while teasing the shit out of some lucky guy at the edge of the bed. 

Lest you think, and lest my male friend thinks, I don’t have beef with him in particular.  I just have beef with his POV.  And like I’d said, it isn’t just him that holds it like a bad habit, I do it too.   The only way, in my not-so-humble-opinion, is to go cold turkey into quitting this mindset.  It’s the most shocking, but the quickest and least painful overall to challenging the objectification of women in the bedroom.  And hey, what’s wrong with a little Zen in the form of a strap-on?

On that note…. I have in mind to liberate some men I know. I’d like to invite some young hot stud over to see if he and Dear Husband might hit it off.  *does a high-five with a fellow girlfriend*

“Passionate Enlightenment”

For a good time, read “Passionate Enlightenment” by Miranda Shaw.

No, seriously.  I know it sounds a little like something you’d read on the inside of a stall at a public restroom, but after reading it a few times, I still find myself walking away feeling that much more compassionate and empowered.  Shaw not only outlines the Tantric approach to Buddhism, but she does so from historical female scholarship.  I’m not the only person in the world who has noticed that waaaayyyyy too much religious doctrine had been penned by men, and therefore have varying degrees of testosterone filters installed.  “Passionate Enlightenment” offers something quite unique – a gynocentric POV in Tantric Buddhism (what has been criticized as blatantly misogynistic by other scholars).  And to a loud Buddhist feminista like myself, this is music to my ears.

The flow of Shaw’s writings follows women in Tantric theory, to the women adepts in Tantric circles, to the women founders in Tantric history, and what is outlined in the Buddha-Tantras how to treat a woman (she adamently states that intimacy is a path to enlightenment, very Left-Hand Path here where renunciates might be taken aback at first glance).

An excerpt from the book that brilliantly describes the Spontaneous Jewellike Yogini:

Like the jewel that is her namesake, the illustrious yogini has many facets.  She is a visionary revealer of Tantric teachings received in deep meditatitive state.  She is a skilled rhetorician who dazzles her audience with a sensuous and exuberant vision of Tantric sexuality.  She is a homileticist who motivates her audience to religious discipline, exhorting them that worldly pleasures are impermanent and ultimately unsatisfying.  She is a subtle philosopher who spins and unravels the theoretical intricacies of her position…..

See?  How fucking awesome is that?

Anyway, the book is far more worth than the $15.00 or so that I paid for it.  It is exquisite, daring, and illustrious.  For this moment in time, it is my personal Tantric feminist Bible, and it calls me to courageously access the Bodhisattva to help others in my uniquely womanly way.

Happy reading!!

To labia or not to labia?

First, if you  have not checked out the DOMAI site that features very tasteful and beautiful nude pictures of women, please take the time and look it over.  It’ refreshing, needed, and outstanding.

www.domai.com

There.  Now on to my thoughts on a conversation I had with a very good friend of mine about a pic on this very site.

A little about my friend, however – she is a 40-year-old confident and feisty woman (of course, I love her for those qualities in and of themselves) who also shows remarkable kindness toward her fellow sisters when they need it the most.  She also channels some fierce Kali angry energy at times when she comes across a topic she feels passionate about.  When it comes to our livelier conversations, we tend to debate  much about the business of pornography, titty bars, and prostitution.  She feels passionately about these very topics, as do I.  However, we normally happily sit on opposite corners of the proverbial boxing ring – each of us pointing out why we have women’s best interests on our side. 

Segue to one particular pic on the DOMAI site – where we both viewed a picture of a nude woman sitting on a floor with her knees up to her chin, her labia clearly in view.  My dear sister-friend mentioned that the woman was very pretty, but seeing her labia was distracting.  I thought differently (of course), and that seeing her labia was wonderful and showed a sign of confidence.  I mentioned the conversation to my Dear Husband, and he naturally summed our disagreements up in a single statement like he usually does due to his daily word quota:

“You two just have different tastes.  What’s the big deal?”

Well, he’s right.  We do.  I’m bisexual – and it would stand to reason that I liked seeing the beauty of a naked woman because I’m attracted to it.  I was curious if it went deeper than that, and that perhaps there is a point to my friend’s reaction to the labia that was worth exploring. 

She’d said at one point, “Why show her labia?  It doesn’t define HER.” 

She’s right.  She’s absolutely right.  I decided to shed my POV for some time and meditate on her opinion, for I do try as much as possible to give my dissenters an audience.  What I discovered was an appreciation for culturally where we are in terms of how we value women – still, in the 21st century – as either castrated males in the workforce or as mindless vessels for baby-making and mothering or for providing holes for males to masturbate in.   The angry feminista bubbled up again to the surface, and I began to fully appreciate where my dear friend was coming from.  We still have as a culture a very neurotic obsession with the human vulva.  It’s private; it’s dirty; it’s best not talking about it; it’s where women bleed; it’s where we give birth; it houses the clitoris as the one human organ designed specifically for sexual pleasure……aesthetically, it’s extraordinary too, looking and feeling like delicate flower petals of a rose or a lotus – blooming open during arousal revealing ever more mystery and beauty beyond in the vagina.

Not only are our sexual organs powerful physically, but they are powerful symbolically as well.  Currently, talking about pussy usually tends to either evoke mostly school boy fascination and humor or mostly embarrassment and shame in women.  I think this profund lack of reverence for the female genitalia is what my dear friend recognizes culturally, and she is rightly sensitive to it. 

It’s a lot to appreciate.  Yes, we do have quite a ways to go.  But I’ll still like viewing labia regardless of what my dear friend thinks.

A little forgiveness for Palin

I realize that if my friends were to read this right now, they’re upchucking a little bit in their mouths.  Most of the folks I talk to know my harsh criticism of her and her policies, but I am offering her a kind of leniency that I think she deserves.  As much as I believe her to be a theocratic fascist, I believe the court of public opinion against her has been focusing on all the wrong issues.  If we don’t, we may very well see a backlash against the media that could result in a Sarah Palin Presidential administration in January 2013. 

I disagree with her notion that her stance in government will be more hands-off, and that she sides with Joe Six Pack more often than not.  From what I have seen, she sides with Joe Pro-Life Evangelistic Christian more often than not, and it is precisely why I find her position so reprehensible.  In her mind, and unfortunately in quite a few minds around the country, Joe Pro-Life Evangelistic Christian IS the norm, the guy next door, the small business owner on Main Street.  Palin panders to this mindset.  She fails to show that she considers representing the rights and liberties of anyone else who does not fit this mold.  I see it in her rhetoric and in her policies. 

I just don’t see her wardrobe as having this much relevence.  And it annoys me to see so many of her critics pounce on the Nieman Marcus bill and salivating the whole time.  I personally feel compelled to play the gender card here, suggesting that if Palin were a man, that we wouldn’t be discussing this as much.  But I assume that we’d be talking about something else instead……….(and I just remembered the $400 haircut that John Edwards got that the neo-cons jumped all over).

I think the RNC screwed up in it’s handling of Palin.  Of course she hadn’t been properly vetted, and this blunder continues to show it’s effect on the public view of the Republican party.   So, a part of me wishes to point the finger at her and suggest that she could have declined the nomination if she had any inclination that she could drag the McCain ticket down.  Another part of me wishes to point the finger equally at the RNC for screwing up another chance to solidify their conservative base.  As it is, we are now seeing the attrition rate skyrocket in conservatives away from McCain and toward Obama.  And, generally speaking, the criticism falls squarely on Palin’s shoulders.

Ugh.  OK, fine.  She’s not my type.  But come ON……there is a kind of disgust and spittle that is created whenever a new story appears about her and her ineptness in government and in the public eye.  Personally, it’s not worth it.  I can appreciate the media’s confrontation and wanting to get a story published to the American public, and the public deserves to know the information concerning our candidates.  What I don’t like is how these stories are stirring the pot of vitriol and hate.  We’ve seen this before from the other side, too, by hearing phrases like “pallin’ around with terrorists.”  And all this does is distract all of us from the central issues of her campaign and how her rhetoric does not add up, and especially how her platform will not offer the U.S. a government that actually works.  We recognized the hate immediately when the McCain campaign stirred a shitstorm against Obama and his association with Ayers.  Let’s not commit the same crime on a larger scale against Palin.

Obama saw a bump as a backlash against the hate machine from that time.  I don’t want to see a backlash of larger proportions against a larger hate machine from a larger demographic of the public.  Maintain the coverage to the issues – the ethics violations, the fact that she is against gay marriage,  wants ID taught alongside evolution in public school science classes (WTF?),  her stance on abortion, and her gross exaggerated assumption that she has foreign policy experience because of her state’s geographical location.  That obviously means that George W. Bush as governor was brilliant at foreign policy because of Texas and it’s close proximity to Mexico.  No?

So, lighten up, y’all.  She’s a poor choice.  We got that.  The RNC fucked up in vetting her before introducing her at their convention a couple months ago.  But let’s keep the anti-Palin rhetoric at a minimum when it comes to what is actually quite immaterial like her 17-year-old pregnant daughter, her choice to work so shortly after having a baby with Down Syndrome, and yes, even her wardrobe shopping spree.

I am much more concerned about the fact that she considers the war in Iraq a “task that is from God.”  This is much more sobering than spending $150,000 at Saks and possibly looking a little hypocritical.   Hmmmm, shall I bitch about a pair of shoes?  Or an end-times believer ready and willing to send the world into nuclear annihilation if Iran or North Korea starts acting uppity?

About last night’s VP debate

I HAVE to hand the crown to Biden.  He was absolutely magnificent.  Well-prepared.  Stuck to the facts and the issues, answered the questions well and countered Palin’s points, AND he came across as respectful of his opponent.

Here might be a good reason why he did this well: 

http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081002/NEWS/810020338/-1/rss01

Also, if I could give a kiss to Sen. Biden, I would for his comment here:

“It seems like the only people in the room that think that debating a woman is going to be fundamentally different are people who don’t hang around with smart women,” Biden said aboard his campaign plane.

YES!!  Fan-frickin’-tastic!!  And so true, too.  Well done, Senator.  *claps*

Teen and pre-teen body image

For now, I’m wanting to add a bit more to the problem young girls face when they become more aware of their adolescent bodies and their own sexuality.  Soon enough, I’d like to see how boys are given their due as well in the mass media since they are affected by images of the bulging pecs, the washboard abs, the broad shoulders, yadda yadda yadda.  But at this moment, this article last year on cnn.com reminded us why we still need to talk about it:

  http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/03/15/BK.girls.body.image/index.html

What I found refreshing was the idea to provide an antidote to our young girls’ delusions on what is sexy and what isn’t……and the antidote provided in the article was to have a strong father or male role model that recognizes the girls strengths that had nothing to do with how she looked in a swimsuit.  What I didn’t like was that girls will notice that yet another adult is ignoring her body and how it looks, and that the girl will continue to look for beauty standards somewhere else.

Moms are very guilty of this, too.  It’s something I’ve noticed in the mindsets of how to deal with the problem of teenaged girls and body image – and it amounts to swinging the pendulum wildly in the opposite direction where the body is never even discussed, and if it is, a girl is inundated with platitudes of how Hollywood stars and Barbie dolls are ruining body image every day.  This does nothing but leave body image in the abstract, and a young girl is still trying to discover exactly how she is beautiful. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong proponent of pointing out a girl’s strength in her mind, in her spirit, and in her goals and achievements.  However, we simply can’t brush aside letting her know how beautiful she looks because we are afraid of pressuring her into worrying about her looks.  Trust me, the girl is already worried about her looks.  She’s also worried about how smart she is, how if she has friends to have fun with and who like her, how her parents get along, and on and on.  Yes, we parents are totally neurotic with how we appear either too harsh or too overprotective…..but the answer isn’t to “refocus” our rhetoric into giving our daughters recognition in one area and not another.

She will read into it well, and realize that she’s STILL not considered a whole person in the eyes of her mentors.  She’s a brain and an achiever, but she’s not beautiful.  And that potentially can be just as devastating.

My daughter is turning 10 in less than a week, and she is starting to see how her hormones are leading her into the dawn of womanhood.  Right now, we’re just seeing the twilight just before the sun begins to peek through, but she has recently become a little modest about her body.  A few months ago, after helping her shop for her first bra, she was walking around the house with her arms wrapped around her chest.  I asked her why she was doing that, and she said that she didn’t want anybody looking at her breasts.  I didn’t panic, but said what came naturally to me as a Sacred Whore:

“I don’t know why, sweetheart.  I think they’re beautiful.  And they’re just as beautiful as everything else about you – your elbows, your eyes, and that really smart brain you have.  So go ahead and be proud of them.”

Her tension was gone after I said that, and she was in a better mood.  I haven’t seen her worry about her breasts since.  But I guess we’ll see if in 10 years she’s sitting on a therapists couch relaying how I ruined her life with a comment that made her feel pressured to have beautiful breasts.  LOL

You know - it’s just as silly trying to categorize a woman and a girl by a singular component in her brain as it is in a singular body part.  Nice rack?  Nice ass?  Nice teeth?  Or nice career?  Works with a team well?  Scores high on aptitude tests?  Jeez………when can we just say that she is beautiful – simply because she is confident and true to herself?

In my mind, there is nothing more attractive than a strong, confident woman who flaunts her stuff AND speaks her mind.  Not either/or….but both.  She mesmerizes with her eyes AND doesn’t shy away from giving her opinion.  This is what I want to introduce to young girls, and that is beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder, and that it first comes from her own discerning eye.  I want to introduce to young girls and teens to pay NO attention to what others say – her peers, TV ads, or test scores.  Look in the mirror and decide how you’re physically beautiful and a bombshell, then show it without hesitation.  Look in the mirror and decide how you’re amazingly intelligent, and then show it without hesitation.  Look in the mirror and decide how you’re gifted and skilled, and then show it without hesitation.  Truthfully, I’d prefer to say that there is no time like the present to give a young girl the opportunity to discover every single part of her that is magnificent – and on her own terms and nobody else’s.

To this day, one of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson, and I’ll let her do the talking from here on out today:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Three cheers for Kathleen Parker!!

Girlfriend, if I could offer a toast for this occasion, plant a big kiss on your cheek, and yell out a “WHOOT!”, I would do so.  You bravely gave some much needed and sobering criticism of the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, whose conservative apologetic constituents have desperately tried to defend Palin’s strange media circus since her governor’s record and her sense of judgement has since been hotly debated. 

Kathleen Parker, if you don’t know, is a commentator for the National Review, a conservative publication.  It’s one thing as a woman to support women’s attempts to break through the glass ceiling.  It’s entirely another to openly admit that a particular woman isn’t simply fit for leadership.  I certainly feel that Palin is not fit for the Oval Office, but I think Parker adequately describes why.  She is authentic in her criticism and her call for Palin to step down in order to save the Republican party’s run to the White House this election year.

You can read her article here, and I believe it deserves your full attention:  http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MDZiMDhjYTU1NmI5Y2MwZjg2MWNiMWMyYTUxZDkwNTE=

A reminder why a woman’s vote is so important

I came across an email from my mother the other day that discussed the HBO movie “Iron Jawed Angels” starring Hillary Swank as suffragist Alice Paul.  Instead of going through the viral message itself, and also renting the movie, I familiarized myself again with this outstanding group of women who ensured our right to vote this November.

We all must remember that not a century has passed since women were not allowed to vote our conscience here in the States, and that our grandmothers and great grandmothers lived that reality every day.  We could not vote for our government leaders, our representatives, or for ordinances and social programs.  We had no political voice as women.  The pioneers of the suffragist movement Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton broke the ground for the foundation of women’s political rights, and Alice Paul and Lucy Burns took the movement to the streets with parades, hunger strikes, and demonstrations.

In 1917, Paul organized a demonstration outside the White House where Woodrow Wilson was at the time demanding the right to vote.  That night, the women were arrested, incarcerated, beaten and tortured in the Occoquan Workhouse because they were “obstructing sidewalk traffic.”

Despite the horrific treatment she received that night, Paul continued her demonstrations by going on a hunger strike.  She was force-fed until she vomited repeatedly, but she remained steadfast in her goals for women everywhere.  She was joined by more and more women, until the pressure the Wilson administration felt caused the President to cave in, and urged the states to ratify the 19th Amendment. 

And it didn’t happen until 1920 – two years after Wilson decided that the press coverage for the suffragists was too much politically to bear.

I urge women everywhere in the U.S. to remember why we need to use this right and to make certain our voices are heard…….whether you are a fiscal or social conservative or liberal, whether you are a communitarianism or libertarian, whether you are Christian, Atheist, Pagan, Muslim, or Buddhist, use your voice and vote your conscience.  Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, for or against the war in Iraq and/or Afghanistan, or your feelings on comprehensive sex education, your vote is vital to ensuring that what is important to us as WOMEN is brought front and center to the American public.

In memory of Alice Paul, Susan B. Anthony, and all the beautiful, brave, and outstanding women that fought for us and our voices.  In Tibetan Buddhism, we acknowledge the powerful energy that is manifest in women and recognize it as Green Tara.  Ven. Robina Courtin also reminded us women in the Dharma center that there’s nothing like “girl energy” or “Tara energy.”  And like Michelle Obama has said recently…..

Women get it done.

Not a girl, not yet a woman

The very first time I realized I was “in-between”, and not quite sure of myself and where I was on the totem pole of womanhood came when I was 12-years-old out on the football field.

Most of the time spent outside the dance studio was out roughing it up with the boys.  I have two older brothers, and I grew up in a neighborhood where the kids my age were all boys.  In order to have any semblence of a social life, I learned how to play with the boys at their game.  I didn’t learn how to bat my eyes until much later, but I knew how to talk shop and get in people’s faces when I was being disrespected in many ways.  I learned how to fight like a boy and throw a punch.  And to this day, I would much rather throw a swift punch to the face more than scratching somebody or pulling their hair. 

Anyway, since that was how I related to kids through competition and through action, during lunch recess I would go and throw a tennis ball against the side school wall with all the boys, or play kickball, or play tether ball, or play football.  I wasn’t the best at any of these games, but I held my own really well against them.  I never saw any of the boys lighten up their play for my benefit or my protection…….until one spring day.

I was walking out to join the rest of the boys as they were picking their teams, and I was suddenly met by one of the boys named David.  Something was different in how he approached me – apologetically, solemnly, and he said, “Thalia, me and the guys decided that you can’t play with us anymore.”

“What?  But WHY?”  I was shocked, hurt, and starting to get pissed off.

“Well……….you’re a girl.“

And with that, David walked off to play with the guys, leaving me alone and not knowing what to do at all.  I sat down in the grass and watched everyone interact from a distance.  The girls pointing at me and gossiping, the boys laughing and playing, and there I was thrust into my first moment of meditation and contemplation while emotionally distraught.  Even though I liked being alone and enjoyed my moments of solitude, for the first time in my life I felt lonely.

That evening I cried when I talked about it to my mother.  I couldn’t understand why my friends hated me for being a girl, and my mother – the best she could – tried to convince me that they didn’t hate me, they just didn’t understand how I was changing and growing, and they didn’t know how to cope with it.  In other words, I was becoming a woman, and not just “one-of-the-boys.”

That didn’t sink in right away, and as a matter of fact, it took years and years before that sunk in.  I had a very difficult time differentiating between being childhood and womanhood.  Needless to say, I didn’t take it very well.   I ranted at the perspective and wondered what difference does it make just because I’m growing a pair of boobs?  So, they knew I was getting periods every month or so………..they didn’t realize that I started my period when I was 11.  Big frickin’ deal, right?

At that point, my mother tried a different approach.  She suggested that I try to become friends with the girls in the school.  And my response to her suggestion captured all my confusion and adolescent misery in a nutshell:

“Aw, mom…..I don’t want to play with THEM.  All the girls do in school is sit on the swings and GIGGLE!” 

And with that, I stormed off to my room and threw myself on my bed to scream in my pillow.  Little did I know that my mother was laughing her ass off in the kitchen knowing that at some point, I’ll figure it out.

The definition of “scapegoat”

Isn’t a goat supposed to bear the sins of the Israelites on the Day of Atonement and to be ushered off into the wilderness?  From what I remember, yeah……that’s a scapegoat.  Or, in more modern terms, a patsy or the fall guy.

Let’s take a moment and consider the scapegoating women have been expected to take for thousands of years under the thumb of patriarchy.  Women are expected to be more humble, more compassionate, more generous, and more patient than our male counterparts – but when it comes to who is more worthy in patriarchy’s eyes for who makes better decision-making, it’s men.

Women are expected to be more chaste as well as more modest in dress and speech, but when it comes to sexuality and the definition of sexual boundaries, men have held the priviledged position of having the say-so.

Women are expected to put family over career, marriage over children, and husband over herself, but despite all this experience in selflessness and service, men are not expected to be held to the same standard.

And when it comes to defending the rights of the unborn – which I feel compelled to defend to based on my spiritual beliefs and practices – it’s very easy to wear the banner of “pro-life” when the human being carrying the fetus in her womb is still subconsciously considered little more than chattel or a “helper”.

Personally, this is why I prefer to focus more on defending the rights and dignity of women everywhere.  If we are considered the bearers of this responsibility of service, humility, compassion, wisdom, childbearing and raising – then give me a reasonable explanation why women are not bearers of decision-making as social, fiscal, and familial authority.  Not that I’m advocating matriarchy……..that imo would be just as disaterous as patriarchy.  But if women are to offer their bodies for 9 months with child while men are saddled with a simple monthly child support payment;  if women are to take the blame for rape, domestic violence, or their own murder  because of how she dressed or spoke while men are around the world are given amnesty for following the will of God or to save face with his own male buddies; I say that women, with this ridiculous assumption that we are more capable than men are of these spiritual attributes, ought to be the HBIC (Head Bitch in Charge).

But we aren’t.  Women are expected to be the most pious out of all, but our piety isn’t ours in the end.  Credit and authority and power is given to men.  It’s a crazy system, and men are not to blame because eseentially they lose out, too.  Men are just as capable as women are of compassion, selflessness, service, patience, wisdom, and generosity, and to suggest that they are not as capable as women is the other side of the coin of sexism – and it is squarely against men.  For the record, this is just as disheartening and disgusting.

I say that it’s time to abolish the system and to call the goat back home from the wilderness.  We all need to bear our sins on our own hearts equally and without shame, and we all need to open up to our own potential for selflessness to others.  By taking individual responsibility, instead of being more burdened, we become more empowered and liberated, and we realize there is no need to utilize  the scapegoat.  There is no need to place our frailties and our weaknesses on someone else.  Doing so only demeans them and ourselves.

Sarah Palin – blind victim of Dobsonesque misogyny

A lot has been said about Sarah Palin these last couple of weeks ever since McCain picked her to be his running mate and significantly after her rousing speech at the RNC.  What hasn’t been mentioned a whole lot is the hypocrisy of some notable supporters, and one of them is Dr. James Dobson – Founder and President of Focus on the Family based in Colorado.

“If I went into the polling booth today, I would pull the lever for John McCain,” he said.In a new radio broadcast to hundreds of Christian stations that air his show, Dobson calls Palin a “genuine reformer” and “deeply committed Christian.”

Source – http://www.lifenews.com/nat4262.html

Understand that Dobson was the same man that for thirty years or so that has been railing against working moms for sacrificing family in order to further their own careers.  http://listen.family.org/askdrbill/A000001524.cfm

Understand that Dobson was the same man that highly encouraged young teen girls to give up their babies for adoption instead of considering an abortion, and yet Palin is encouraging her daughter to keep the baby and to marry the baby’s father.  http://listen.family.org/askdrbill/A000000311.cfm

But all of a sudden, Dobson is quite the fan-boy of Palin.  Why?  Because of her Christian pro-life agenda.  Talk about convenience, hm?

It’s something that has been bugging me for a bit.  I heard it at the RNC about the criticisms against Palin and her career choice as opposed to caring for her children at home.  This has been the talking point of feminists like Gloria Steinem for 40 years, so Guiliani’s retorts at the RNC arrived to THAT party embarrassingly late.  Even giving them credit that they actually did defend a woman’s choice to work outside the home while having young children, I find the sudden switch of the Dobson camp to be more than mere hypocrisy – Palin is the easy cute sock puppet for the Evangelical political agenda.  It isn’t HER so much but what she’s spoken about that the Dobsons of the U.S. are so excited about.  And yet, all the Palin-like women who aren’t working toward getting a seat in the White House are criticized not for what they represent, but for who they simply are……….working women who aren’t acting girly enough.

Glossing over Palin’s career choice while continuing to harass working mothers (who are working out of choice) is a disgustingly insidious slap in the face to women everywhere.  In the end, women are still not considered real people with real ambition or real autonomy with real priorities independent of any male or system.  Palin is an unknowing victim like the rest of us by the Dobsons of this world.  We are here for their convenience to merely further their own political and social agenda.  Our own ambitions and perspectives – that are uniquely feminine – have no place unless it is to be the wind beneath the Man’s wings. 

Personally, if Palin were TRULY following in the footsteps of the Maverick, I think she should tell Dobson that he can go stick his support where the sun don’t shine.  She’ll really then be standing up to the Good Ol’ Boys then.

Even though I couldn’t disagree more with Palin’s stances on domestic and foreign policy issues, and I will not be voting for the McCain-Palin ticket, I would want to give her a kiss on the cheek and a high-five if she said to Dobson – like she supposedly did with the Bridge to Nowhere -

“Thank, but no thanks.”